Tag Archives: faith

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I Just Want to Wake Up…

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Last month, I went through a grueling and involved 6-hour surgical procedure. For privacy reasons, I’ll not put a name to it, but needless to say, it was unpleasant and life altering. Now, for those who know me, you know I was a cop for 25 years, and cops have a very perverse and twisted sense of humor. So, for my family and friends who are or were law enforcement personnel, with jokes waiting to be offered up now that I’m healing and convalescing, I’d like you to know that after coming out of this surgery, yes…I am still very much a man!! 🙂

I’ve spent the better part of 6 months, give or take, in various stages of preparation for this surgery, not knowing the final decision making processes until a few weeks before the actual surgery itself. Knowing you may have to endure something like this for many months prior to the actual event is literal torture, physically and mentally. The minds reels at the various scenarios placed before you and it was during this time that I took care of all of my personal affairs, making sure they were all in order. This is how serious this situation had become.

There are several reasons for this blog post, but the primary one revolves around those family and friends who were with me physically or in close support during this ordeal. To say that you have my undying love and gratitude is an understatement. You know who you all are and please know that I love each and every one of you dearly. To have you in my life is not something I take for granted and I want you all to know from the bottom of my heart, I could not have gotten through this without you. You are all a precious gift. Thank you all so very, very much and know if I lived to be 100 years old, I will never, ever forget any of you.

I could go into details of the virtues of taking care of yourself, eating right, exercising and the like ad nauseam, but unfortunately my issues stemmed from a bad hand dealt from genetics. Oh well…but while playing out the cards handed to me, I never once felt like “woe is me” or “why me?”. I’ve come to far at this age to go to that place and the easiest thing for me to do, which I did, was hand it over to God.

In the dozens and dozens of conversations with family and friends over the months leading up to the surgery, my mantra to them was “I just want to wake up”…”I just want to wake up”. Almost everyone I had this conversation with mutually concurred…and that was that they’d also be thinking and asking this very same thing if it were them going through this. Sometimes in the wee hours of the morning, sitting up on the side of my bed in the dark, weeks prior to the surgery, I kept an ongoing dialogue with the Lord and asked Him, “Please Lord, just let me wake up”. But, “Your will be done, not mine”. My prayers to Him during this time were personal, engaged and intimate, but I always thanked Him for bringing me the strength and spiritual fortitude to endure the upcoming trial and doing this ALWAYS brought me sweet and beautiful peace. Having this spiritual connection, I believe, saved my life.

I could never end this blog piece without thanking ALL the medical personnel involved in my care, (before, during and after), my rehabilitation and everything in between. These are consummate professionals who have an extremely hard job but they do it with caring, compassion, grace and love. And for this, I again will be forever grateful to you all.

A few weeks prior to the surgery, a person who I’ve come to love in a very deep way, gave me a beautiful, smooth wooden cross, about the size of an open hand. Written on the side it says, “Larry, you are loved!”. This cross went immediately into my hospital bag and remained there the entire duration of my hospital stay and it gave me great peace to know it was there, only steps away. 

To the person who gave me this cross…it’s very difficult to find the exact words to describe how I’m feeling because they cross a very vast spectrum of emotions. Physically, emotionally, mentally but above all spiritually. With this gift, you’ve reflected to me the very embodiment of who Christ is, the foundation of which is love. And, I now return that love to you, in the deepest, richest, truest sense of the word. A love that only the Lord can fully understand. Thank you…

So, I sit here now finishing this blog piece. And, if you haven’t guessed it by now…

I did wake up.

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The Ultimate Evil Explained…

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As anyone who has not been living on a deserted island somewhere, we’re all painfully aware of the increasing incidences of violence and hate in our country and around the world. While these occurrences are obviously nothing new, everyone has their own opinions and thoughts as to the reasons these random (and also planned) acts of assaults, violence and homicides are happening and all you have to do is doom scroll on any social media platform to hear the so called talking head “pundits” or political blowhards espouse their beliefs as to the reasons why. Personally, I’m not on face book but have been made aware that even people I’m personally acquainted with are posting vile and vicious things supporting the very things I’m speaking of here. These things have had me thinking long and hard about my future relationships with these people, but that for another time as personal boundaries are a wonderful thing.

I could write a list a mile long as to what any one of these specific reasons may or may not be and I certainly yield the right of anyone to give their own opinions on what they believe these reasons again, may or may not be. But, I’m not going to do that here. I will however, join in the discussion and give my take on what I believe is the actual root cause is of what is actually occurring. I may provide an example or two to give credence to my thoughts so you get the total picture.

Let’s take for instance the absolutely tragic and abhorrent murder of the young Ukrainian woman (whose name is Iryna Zarutska) on the rail line a few weeks ago in Charlotte, NC. This was a woman sitting in a bus seat, minding her own business when a man sitting behind her decided to stand up, open a folding knife and plunge it several times into the right side her throat causing her to immediately bleed out. She looked up at him in horror, then slumped onto the bus floor in a horrible death. There were and are actual people in places of power defending this monster saying that he had obvious mental health issues and should have been given the help he needed, but nothing about the victim. But, a recent court proceeding deemed that unnecessary, and released him from jail a few months earlier, while those defending him cited failures in the criminal justice system for this occurrence. “Failures in the criminal justice system”…my goodness, how many times have we heard that phrase over and over in the past 100 years? He’ll certainly (we hope) spend the rest of his miserable existence in prison, but who knows…it wouldn’t surprise me if he is freed at some point in the future. My heart goes out to Iryna’s family and friends, who will never, ever see her again.

Now, there is the recent assassination of Charlie Kirk, a popular conservative political activist and author who spent many, many hours and days at various venues, mostly colleges and universities debating hotbed issues with students and adults trying to espouse reason in an unreasonable world. Charlie knew the risks, as some saw it as hate speech, but his spiritual and personal beliefs overrode those risks and he did it anyway believing the end result could be the opening of eyes and the possibility of helping others see things through a different lens. He was criticized, cursed at, reviled, vilified, spat on, assaulted, accosted, and threatened with death which ultimately happened and it cost him his life with a bullet through his neck. He left a wife without a husband and two young daughters without their father. While I did not personally know Charlie, the utter sadness of this murder still has me a bit shaken, but that is not the point of this blog post.

What “is” the point of this blog post are the reasons behind the viciousness of these attacks and the people committing them and those supporting them. For me, the reasons aren’t about trans issues or “gender” inequality, climate change and environmental justice, mental health issues, human rights, healthcare costs, homelessness, or the dozens of other social topics I could list here. While they may be relevant in their own spheres, these are just off shoots or symptoms of the real reason, and are not the actual root cause.

What is the root cause? It is pure, unadulterated demonic evil fomenting and born by and from a palpable and visible separation from God. While all of my friends who know me (and love me) for my spiritual beliefs and my fervent relationship with Jesus Christ, I may certainly lose other “friends” who just know me as Larry and are loosely acquainted with me and my personal and professional background. And, if I do lose those people in my world because they may not agree with me or wish not to understand my purposes for this reasoning…I wish you well and will always think of you fondly. It has been a pleasure to have known you.

Evil has many, many definitions, just ask google. But, the real reason for evil as I have mentioned is a total separation from a Higher Power. One Who knows all, sees all and has a complete understanding of the purposes and intents of evil doing and the evil people who are perpetrating these heinous acts. Through His Son, He has given free will to all and people have and will continue to act on it. And, through this, evildoers delight in their actions and the demonic celebrates it. I certainly believe that these actions grieve God, and some may ask “where was He when this or that happened?” My answer is that I do not know, as His reasonings are greater than we could ever understand. And, I won’t know any of these answers until I stand before Him.

Charlie Kirk knew this and accepted it. And, he placed himself in harms way hundreds and hundreds of times just to try and change one mind, one way of thinking…which he successfully did many, many times. While I may not have agreed with Charlie on all his societal beliefs, I fully understood why he was doing what he did, and THAT was the one thing I did fervently agree with him on. Charlie stands with the Lord now and has received his ultimate reward, and that is to walk in heaven forever with the Father.

I do know one other thing…

What happened to Charlie Kirk has changed the world. And, while some may horrifyingly celebrate and laughingly commemorate what happened to him, what they don’t know is that it created literally thousands and thousands of other Charlie Kirks. The demonic entity has overplayed his hand…and he knows it.

And, I am Charlie Kirk.