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I Just Want to Wake Up…

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Last month, I went through a grueling and involved 6-hour surgical procedure. For privacy reasons, I’ll not put a name to it, but needless to say, it was unpleasant and life altering. Now, for those who know me, you know I was a cop for 25 years, and cops have a very perverse and twisted sense of humor. So, for my family and friends who are or were law enforcement personnel, with jokes waiting to be offered up now that I’m healing and convalescing, I’d like you to know that after coming out of this surgery, yes…I am still very much a man!! 🙂

I’ve spent the better part of 6 months, give or take, in various stages of preparation for this surgery, not knowing the final decision making processes until a few weeks before the actual surgery itself. Knowing you may have to endure something like this for many months prior to the actual event is literal torture, physically and mentally. The minds reels at the various scenarios placed before you and it was during this time that I took care of all of my personal affairs, making sure they were all in order. This is how serious this situation had become.

There are several reasons for this blog post, but the primary one revolves around those family and friends who were with me physically or in close support during this ordeal. To say that you have my undying love and gratitude is an understatement. You know who you all are and please know that I love each and every one of you dearly. To have you in my life is not something I take for granted and I want you all to know from the bottom of my heart, I could not have gotten through this without you. You are all a precious gift. Thank you all so very, very much and know if I lived to be 100 years old, I will never, ever forget any of you.

I could go into details of the virtues of taking care of yourself, eating right, exercising and the like ad nauseam, but unfortunately my issues stemmed from a bad hand dealt from genetics. Oh well…but while playing out the cards handed to me, I never once felt like “woe is me” or “why me?”. I’ve come to far at this age to go to that place and the easiest thing for me to do, which I did, was hand it over to God.

In the dozens and dozens of conversations with family and friends over the months leading up to the surgery, my mantra to them was “I just want to wake up”…”I just want to wake up”. Almost everyone I had this conversation with mutually concurred…and that was that they’d also be thinking and asking this very same thing if it were them going through this. Sometimes in the wee hours of the morning, sitting up on the side of my bed in the dark, weeks prior to the surgery, I kept an ongoing dialogue with the Lord and asked Him, “Please Lord, just let me wake up”. But, “Your will be done, not mine”. My prayers to Him during this time were personal, engaged and intimate, but I always thanked Him for bringing me the strength and spiritual fortitude to endure the upcoming trial and doing this ALWAYS brought me sweet and beautiful peace. Having this spiritual connection, I believe, saved my life.

I could never end this blog piece without thanking ALL the medical personnel involved in my care, (before, during and after), my rehabilitation and everything in between. These are consummate professionals who have an extremely hard job but they do it with caring, compassion, grace and love. And for this, I again will be forever grateful to you all.

A few weeks prior to the surgery, a person who I’ve come to love in a very deep way, gave me a beautiful, smooth wooden cross, about the size of an open hand. Written on the side it says, “Larry, you are loved!”. This cross went immediately into my hospital bag and remained there the entire duration of my hospital stay and it gave me great peace to know it was there, only steps away. 

To the person who gave me this cross…it’s very difficult to find the exact words to describe how I’m feeling because they cross a very vast spectrum of emotions. Physically, emotionally, mentally but above all spiritually. With this gift, you’ve reflected to me the very embodiment of who Christ is, the foundation of which is love. And, I now return that love to you, in the deepest, richest, truest sense of the word. A love that only the Lord can fully understand. Thank you…

So, I sit here now finishing this blog piece. And, if you haven’t guessed it by now…

I did wake up.

Unknown's avatar

The Shot…

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As I begin this blog post, let me first say that I am in no way a conspiracy theorist. While I do believe that governments and private and public organizations spend a lot of their time clandestinely hiding things from the general public, I also believe there are certain things we will never, ever know about regarding the internal machinations of many of these entities. But, that is something we have no control over and it is not, at this point, worth delving into. But, there are sometimes things that any normal, sensible thinking person will give pause to and think to themselves after a shocking incident, “wow, that’s pretty strange” or “something just doesn’t feel right about this” or, “how in the world could that have happened?” Certain occurrences just go against rational thought and reflection and cause one to stop and ask questions, if not to themselves, but maybe to others existing in their spheres of influence or personal friendships. I know that I have.

For me, this internal questioning moment revolves around the rifle shot that killed Charlie Kirk…

Some personal background information first for perspective. For most all of my life, I’ve had a fascination with, interest in and a great respect for firearms. I’ve personally been around and have handled and shot firearms for well over 60+ years and learned to properly and safely use and shoot handguns, rifles and shotguns beginning probably around the age of 5 years old. This introduction into the use of firearms was given to me by my father, uncles, and grandfather in the backwoods of the Appalachian mountains of central Virginia, (this is where we spent our summer vacations). Hunting and target shooting was a mainstay and necessary lifestyle back in those remote hills (and still is) and it is where I began to hone my personal skills and proficiencies with various kinds and calibers of all types of firearms. And, to this day, I still have a keen and engaging interest in firearms.

I took my interest and skills with firearms into the United States Marine Corps in 1974 and became a qualified sharpshooter with the M16 rifle in boot camp, which was the mainstay and weapon of choice for use in the Vietnam war. Then, as a young police officer in the late 1970’s, I was given the opportunity to attend several nationally recognized firearms schools and became a certified police firearms instructor for other police officers, in order to teach them how to properly use, become proficient in and (should it be necessary), ultimately defend their lives with a law enforcement handgun.

Then, in 1995, after an incident involving the tragic deaths of two law enforcement officers and the critical wounding of another, I was tasked to lead and train a countywide task force of approximately 5 separate SWAT/Tactical Units. I was sent to several training schools led by the Philadelphia, Pa. Police Dept., National Association of Chiefs of Police, the National Rifle Association (NRA) and the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) and became an automatic weapons and SWAT Team Instructor. This ultimately culminated in me attending no less than 3 very intense sniper training schools (given by these same entities) where I became a certified law enforcement long rifle sniper/sharpshooter.

I spent many, many hours, days, weeks and months to become proficient with a law enforcement sniper rifle, (as I also did with the other groups of firearms I was certified to use). I owned a Remington Model 700 sniper rifle in the .308 caliber with an attached Leupold tactical scope. On this scope, as there are with most other scopes, two dials, one on the top of the scope for “elevation” (adjustments for the bullet traveling up or down), and one on the side of the scope for “windage” (adjustments for the bullet moving side to side). There are dozens and dozens of small, minute settings on these dials that a professional sniper must become extremely proficient with so they can place the shot (bullet) into the correct spot on the target. Each “click” on these dials moves the bullet’s trajectory a literal fraction of an inch in either way, up or down or side to side. So many factors come into play that a sniper must constantly practice to perfect their shooting. This must be done in all types of weather and settings as once the bullet leaves the barrel, it is always affected by heights, gravity, air resistance, wind, temperature, rain, snow, humidity, heat or cold, altitude, etc. The sniper must then log the scope’s proper windage and elevation settings into a record book called a “Data on Previous Engagements” or “DOPE” book. This way, a sniper, when called to a tactical situation, can refer to their book and adjust the scope to the proper settings for that particular day’s weather and environment. These settings are crucial for the sniper to correctly and proficiently place their shot at the desired spot on the target. It can take months and even years for a well trained sniper to shoot (sometimes with thousands of rounds) in all types of extremes to have an accurate record of their previous shots. Most snipers train and record their shots between 100-300 yards to maintain good, reliable records. The “gold” standard of a sniper shot should be placed within the approximate size of a cigarette box (at these distances) to achieve a proficient and well placed shot.

I offer my law enforcement firearms and SWAT/Tactical background to give credence and credibility to the subject matter and ultimate questions I have contained in this blog post, and for no other reason.

Now to my point…

We’ve been given “formal” information by the media and government and are being led to believe that a 22 year old former college student just grabbed his grandfather’s older military style Mauser bolt action rifle in the .30-06 caliber, climbed up on a rooftop and took a well placed head/neck shot from around 150 yards away, instantly killing a man. This just does not make any sense to me…in any way, shape or form. Without some type of training, this is just not possible, and “luck” has percentages of a kill shot in this situation nearing zero. Could it possibly be done…yes, but it is extremely implausible.

As stated in the beginning of this blog post, I have SO many questions…

  • Did the alleged shooter (Tyler Robinson) have any type of long rifle training of any type or extent?
  • When and where did he receive this training?
  • If so, who provided for and gave him this training?
  • Who provided the necessary funding for the training (as rifle bullets are extremely expensive as is time spent at the range)?
  • How long did he train with this rifle prior to taking the shot?
  • In what various conditions, if any, did he train with this rifle?
  • Who taught him, (if he WAS taught) about bullet trajectory windage and elevation?
  • How did he know (again who taught him) how to set the correct scope adjustments?
  • How did he transport a long rifle to the shooting site without being seen?
  • How did he get access to the rooftop, again, without being seen?
  • How long did he do any reconnaissance (if any) at and around the shooting site?
  • And, did he have any assistance in this “mission”?
  • Or, was Robinson ever a hunter in the past, and is there any evidence of him ever owning any hunting permits?

These are just a few questions I have regarding Charlie Kirk’s assassination, (there are others, but you get the point). And, I know there are others who have these exact same questions…all coming from highly trained law enforcement, military and special forces trained snipers.

And to be honest, they’re the same questions I have (and had) regarding the attempted assassination of then candidate for the Presidency, Donald Trump in Bulter, Pa. in July 2024. We’ve heard absolutely nothing more about this person since that day other than his name, his home and very little about his background. Again, just some things that make you think “Hmmm?”.

I’m not sure we’ll hear much more background information about Robinson, needless to say if he even makes it to trial. “If” there are other entities behind and/or involved in this event, they may make sure this information is never made public. But, there will be intense law enforcement investigations and scrutiny regarding money trails, bank accounts, who the providing sources were or may have been and a myriad of other minute and involved investigatory processes. Much of which will most likely never, ever be made public.

So, at this point, only time will tell. As a retired Chief of Police and law enforcement officer for 25 years, I’ve seen, heard and experienced too many things over those years that have made me question many, many things. Much of which, that had often had me scratching my head in utter disbelief and/or disdain. The word “trust” for me, in many realms, (especially with the media and certain government entities) is a commodity very close to the “empty” designation on a vehicle’s gas gauge.

I sincerely hope the real truth does eventually come out. But, I certainly won’t be holding my breath waiting for it…

Only the questions will remain.