Last month, I went through a grueling and involved 6-hour surgical procedure. For privacy reasons, I’ll not put a name to it, but needless to say, it was unpleasant and life altering. Now, for those who know me, you know I was a cop for 25 years, and cops have a very perverse and twisted sense of humor. So, for my family and friends who are or were law enforcement personnel, with jokes waiting to be offered up now that I’m healing and convalescing, I’d like you to know that after coming out of this surgery, yes…I am still very much a man!! 🙂

I’ve spent the better part of 6 months, give or take, in various stages of preparation for this surgery, not knowing the final decision making processes until a few weeks before the actual surgery itself. Knowing you may have to endure something like this for many months prior to the actual event is literal torture, physically and mentally. The minds reels at the various scenarios placed before you and it was during this time that I took care of all of my personal affairs, making sure they were all in order. This is how serious this situation had become.

There are several reasons for this blog post, but the primary one revolves around those family and friends who were with me physically or in close support during this ordeal. To say that you have my undying love and gratitude is an understatement. You know who you all are and please know that I love each and every one of you dearly. To have you in my life is not something I take for granted and I want you all to know from the bottom of my heart, I could not have gotten through this without you. You are all a precious gift. Thank you all so very, very much and know if I lived to be 100 years old, I will never, ever forget any of you.

I could go into details of the virtues of taking care of yourself, eating right, exercising and the like ad nauseam, but unfortunately my issues stemmed from a bad hand dealt from genetics. Oh well…but while playing out the cards handed to me, I never once felt like “woe is me” or “why me?”. I’ve come to far at this age to go to that place and the easiest thing for me to do, which I did, was hand it over to God.

In the dozens and dozens of conversations with family and friends over the months leading up to the surgery, my mantra to them was “I just want to wake up”…”I just want to wake up”. Almost everyone I had this conversation with mutually concurred…and that was that they’d also be thinking and asking this very same thing if it were them going through this. Sometimes in the wee hours of the morning, sitting up on the side of my bed in the dark, weeks prior to the surgery, I kept an ongoing dialogue with the Lord and asked Him, “Please Lord, just let me wake up”. But, “Your will be done, not mine”. My prayers to Him during this time were personal, engaged and intimate, but I always thanked Him for bringing me the strength and spiritual fortitude to endure the upcoming trial and doing this ALWAYS brought me sweet and beautiful peace. Having this spiritual connection, I believe, saved my life.

I could never end this blog piece without thanking ALL the medical personnel involved in my care, (before, during and after), my rehabilitation and everything in between. These are consummate professionals who have an extremely hard job but they do it with caring, compassion, grace and love. And for this, I again will be forever grateful to you all.

A few weeks prior to the surgery, a person who I’ve come to love in a very deep way, gave me a beautiful, smooth wooden cross, about the size of an open hand. Written on the side it says, “Larry, you are loved!”. This cross went immediately into my hospital bag and remained there the entire duration of my hospital stay and it gave me great peace to know it was there, only steps away. 

To the person who gave me this cross…it’s very difficult to find the exact words to describe how I’m feeling because they cross a very vast spectrum of emotions. Physically, emotionally, mentally but above all spiritually. With this gift, you’ve reflected to me the very embodiment of who Christ is, the foundation of which is love. And, I now return that love to you, in the deepest, richest, truest sense of the word. A love that only the Lord can fully understand. Thank you…

So, I sit here now finishing this blog piece. And, if you haven’t guessed it by now…

I did wake up.